You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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