Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
