Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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