I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
