I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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