A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
