I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
