next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
