Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's the barista slut.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
