I can text with my tongue
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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