Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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