Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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