YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
