I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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