due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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