He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
