I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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