It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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