Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
