You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I skipped work to stalk him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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