I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
