fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
