I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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