Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
