i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
