5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
