No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
