You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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