6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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