She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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