I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
