Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
