; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
