I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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