We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
