You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
