I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
