he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I want is dick and wine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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