shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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