just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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