He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
