4 words: hood of his car
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
