I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
