did you get engaged???
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
