mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
