so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
