His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
