my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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