That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
