Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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